Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters Review + Why the Percy Jackson and the Olympians Movies Will Never Be As Good As the Books

Just today, I went with some members of my family to see the newest Percy Jackson movie: The Sea of Monsters. Now, I have never seen the first movie (neither do I plan to, unless someone pays me), but my nephew Gabriel (who is the same age as I--don't ask. Long story) has, and was quite excited to see the next movie. Most of us had read most or all of the books and I myself enjoyed the clever writing of the series. In fact, Sea of Monsters is one of my favorite of the series. It isn't something I'd read again; but that's simply because that would require reading. 

In any case, I knew that this movie wasn't going to be great. Heck, I knew it was going to flop. But Gabriel seemed interested in it, and I had time to burn. What was the result? Well...eh...

Let's address the first issue with this movie: the running time. Around an hour and forty minutes. In a time when movies are usually from two to three hours, this seems ridiculous. It's made even more poignant when you realize that the book itself is somewhere around 300 pages. That's roughly a bit shorter than The Hobbit. See the problem? One of the key factors of the book was the influence that it gained from Greek literature like The Odyssey. That means that I went in the theatre expecting mini-adventure after mini-adventure. What did I get? One island, one sea monster.

Well...OK, the one island that they kept was Polyphemus'. Awesome! That was one of my favorite parts in the book! How Percy and his group cleverly tricked the Cyclops into thinking that his old enemy, "No-one" had returned! I can't wait to see how they'll--

OH, WAIT! They must have forgotten that part in the book, because all we get is a prolonged game of monkey-in-the-middle! 

Ok, again, I'm getting ahead of myself. But I've already touched on the main problem of the plot; they left too many important things out. Yeah, I get it; teenagers do have the attention span of demi-gods. But seriously: Calypso, Circe, the freaking sirens! None of the awesome stuff is even mentioned! Chiron is never framed for the poisoning of the Thalia, the Party Ponies don't make an appearance, and the ending...oh, the ending...

I'm not talking about Thalia waking up. They kept that. I'm not talking about Percy letting Clarisse taking the credit for the quest. They kept that too. I'm talking about what happens directly before that. I would put spoiler tags, but, frankly, you're going to want to hear this:

Luke actually brings Cronos back to life using the Golden Fleece. Ok... Cronos then eats Luke. ...What?!

Oh! That's not the end of it! Cronos then eats Grover. ...eh, no big loss, but still! What the heck is going on? Admittedly, I was kind of hoping Cronos would kill everyone and the movie series would end on that twist, but what the heck?! But don't worry. Percy apparently can use his "cursed sword" that was foretold in the prophecy--

What's that? The "cursed sword" is only mentioned in the Great Prophesy, which is fulfilled The Last Olympian? YUP! YOU'RE FREAKING RIGHT! And guess what? It's fulfilled in this movie! No joke! Sure, they changed it a little bit, but there's no mistaking it: it's the Great Prophesy! By the way, they changed the "reach sixteen against all odds" to "reach twenty". I could have not made that up if I tried. But then again, all of the half-bloods look like they're eighteen instead of fifteen. 

The "cursed blade" is Riptide, which apparently is the only weapon that could seal Cronos back into his tomb. And luckily, both Luke and Grover survived being eaten alive (why don't huge evil villains ever chew?). Oh, and Annabeth also almost dies, but don't worry. She gets brought back to life thanks to the Fleece. So, let's count. Tyson takes a crossbow bolt to the chest, but survives. Luke and Grover get swallowed, but survive. Percy gets crushed in Cronos' hand, but breaks out unharmed after...two seconds. And Annabeth is healed thanks to a small blanket with gold threads. That would be...five fake-deaths in fifteen-twenty minutes. 

So I've raged on long enough. What's good about this movie?

...give me a second, I'm thinking.

Well, the special effects aren't that bad. They aren't great, mind you, but they could be a lot worse. The monsters kind of alternate between League of Legends CGI and not-quite-as-good-as-Lord-of-the-Rings. My nephew and I joked about how many times that the movie tried to save money on the CGI budget. Most shots with Chiron and Grover are taken from the waist up, and Tyson either wears glasses or uses spray-on Mist for a large chunk of the movie. They didn't have a huge budget, so I can let it slide. The fight scenes are probably the best parts of the movies. I got legitimately hyped whenever one came on. The humor was alright; nothing too good, but it didn't resort to dirty jokes like some other movies (this is the first PG movie I've seen in a while!). The acting varied with the character. Stanley Tucci as Mr. D was freaking hilarious, but the child version of Thalia was...well, I can kind of see why they didn't match the age of the characters in the book with the movie.

When we left the theater, most of all my family and I had were complaints. It wasn't a horrible movie, but the Percy Jackson series deserved so much better. Even Gabriel could only call it "alright". To be honest, though, I'm glad I saw it, if only to get my nerd rage fix for the week. 

Plot: 4/10

Acting: 6/10

Action: 7/10

Music/Sets/Special Effects: 6/10

Guilty Pleasure Meter: 6/10

Overall: 6/10

My Top 5 Favorite Superhero Movies

We all love comic books, don't we? Whether it be the old Disney comics, Marvel, or DC, we all had a favorite comic book character at some point in time. Even if it was Aquaman and everyone laughed at you for it. Recently, there's been a surge of superhero movies, which have brought some attention to the comic book industry, and of course, lots and lots of kids' toys. So I've decided to make a list of my top 5 favorite superhero movies. A couple of rules: I'm only going to list the movies that I've seen, so you won't see Iron Man 2 or Thor on here. Also, keep in mind that these aren't the movies that I think that are the best of the bunch, they're simply my favorites; there's a difference. Also, this list will not be restricted to live-action movies. With that out of the way, let's start at #5!

#5: Batman Beyond: The Return of the Joker (The Uncut Version)

Say what you will about Batman Beyond, but this movie is friggin' awesome. The animation is great, the action is great, the story is amazing. Not only do we get a sort of continuation from the original Batman Animated Series, but we finally get to learn what happened to the Joker, as well as the rest of the orignal Bat family. The story is really kind of depressing at times, not to mention gory. That might not seem like much today, but this was before the time of The Dark Knight Returns and other such animated movies. A large chunk of the movie was either cut or edited to make the movie less violent and bring down the rating to a PG. I guess there's nothing really wrong with that, since the Batman Beyond series was less violent than this movie, but I still prefer the Uncut Version. What more can I say? It's the psychopathic clown we all know and love, back again for another laugh.
 



#4: The Avengers (2012)

And I can hear the boos already. "Why is this on #4?! This is the greatest movie of all time!" Well, here's the thing. I didn't actually see this movie until about a month ago. I wanted to see The Amazing Spiderman and The Dark Knight Rises. I loved both of those movies. So naturally, since this one was going to be the greatest movie of the year, I was hyped. And...yeah, it's pretty good. It has a great mix of action, humor, and character development. But really, guys, let's be honest. It was short. Pretty much the only real action scene is at the last part, and while it was awesome and I loved it, when it ended I was thinking "That's it?" I was thinking that action scene was going to be in the middle of the movie, and that there would be a mix between character development and action throughout the rest of the movie. Is it because I haven't seen that many of the other movies, like Captain America and Iron Man 2? By the way, let's be honest, this movie is basically Iron Man 3: Butting Heads. An awesome movie? Heck yeah. The be superhero movie? Eh.... Now, if the next movie has Andrew Garfield and Hugh Jackman, that would be the best movie of the decade.

 

 

#3: The Dark Knight

 

  Aw, heck yeah! What can I say about this movie that hasn't been said before? Nothing, that's what! The action is amazing, the city looks great, the music is on my iPod, and Heath Ledger is a BOSS! Add a touch of philosophy, and you have arguably the greatest Batman movie of all time.



#2: The Dark Knight Rises

 



A lot of you are probably wondering why I put TDKR about TDK. That's a good question. After all, TDK is probably the best of the DK series. Well, I did have a hard time deciding between the two, and this is actually the main reason this is a list of my favorite superhero movies as opposed to the ones I think are the best. If I could, I'd put both batman movies at #2, but I can't. Think of this as 2B, I guess. Anyway, the real think that made if for is that there is non-stop action pretty much through all the movie. Also, BANE! No one thought someone could reach Ledger's level, but if Bane didn't, he sure as heck came close. I admit, it could be because this is actually the first DK movie I saw (I saw the series backwards), and the only one I saw on the big screen. The movie just felt huge, especially as it neared the end. I know it gets a lot of flack for its "flaws", but really, I found that most to all of them could be explained in the movie. I like to say that the level of epic a movie has can be represented by how many quotes you can think of. The DK series has a lot, and this movie is no exception.

(Above picture from http://whatdoumeme.com/meme/aez4sl)

 

 

#1: The Amazing Spider-Man

 

Wait, wait, don't kill me yet, I can explain. You see, this is probably the fourth best movie on this list, but it is in fact my favorite. Why? Simple: My Inner Fanboy. Spider-Man has been my favorite super hero from when I first could read. When the Avengers came out, I thought, "Eh." When TDKR appeared in theaters, I said, "Oh, that looks kind of interesting." When The Amazing Spider-Man was announced, I calmly took off all of my clothes, pained myself red and blue, and ran through the streets with fake web-shooters. ...OK, maybe not, but that was about how hyped I was. We all know how campy the previous Spider-Man series was, and this movie really showed us a great direction for the character. It's not as hugely epic as the Dark Knight Rises, it's not as well-written as The Avengers, and it's not as psychologically challenging as The Dark Knight, but by Stan Lee, it's freaking Spider-Man, and a freaking awesome movie to boot. Does it have its flaws? Yeah, the pacing is kind of rushed at times. But you know what? If I have to put up with that to avoid another Emo Peter Parker, this movie stays at the top of the list.



Tomes of Taria: Kaylen's Rising

Kaylen’s Rising (Author: Yves Robichaud)

Rating: 2/5

Before I get to the actual review, let me refer to a quote from the book:

“Wow! That story explains a lot about my parents!”

Please note that the word “wow” appears 15 times in this 115-page book. And that pretty much explains the general tone of the entire book. But maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself. First off, I had high expectations from this book. Here’s the premise: A cave elf has the ability to summon skeletons. That sounds pretty interesting, and it seems like it can bring a lot of creative ideas. Unfortunately, there’s very little character development, awkward writing and dialogue, and several clichés.

Maybe I should expand on the overview a bit more. The title character, Kaylen, is a teenage cave elf that’s been sheltered from the outside world by his parents. His parents eventually let him go to school, where he isn’t the most popular person. As it turns out, there’s a war between the cave elves and the humans, and young recruits are being trained as warriors, healers, and magicians to fight. Kaylen doesn’t seem to be able to do anything, until he discovers his power to summon skeletons. Ok, so there doesn’t really seem to be anything wrong. That’s because you haven’t seen the way the book is written. The book has a bad habit of “telling, not showing”; most of the dialogue (see the above quote) and overall writing tells the reader plainly what a character is feeling or doing. It’s very distracting. The book opens with a fireball being blasted at Kaylen, which is a great way to grab the reader’s attention, but then you quickly realize that the one who fired the fireball is the clichéd “bully” character, the character that pushes around the main character and has a bunch of lackeys at his heels (though that does change a bit later).

Speaking of characters, who are they? Well, without giving too much away, Kaylen is a sort of blank slate. He’s someone who tries hard, but who’s been sheltered his entire life, so everyone thinks he’s an idiot, yeah, yeah, you’ve heard it before. Despite his flatness of character, I actually don’t mind him that much. Again, I don’t want to give too much away, but he fails a lot, which for the main character I think is kind of amusing. Next up is Turin, Kaylen’s best friend. I really can’t say much about him, because besides having a very strange sense of humor, he really didn’t leave an impact on me. You’ll feel a lack of impact a lot in this book. Then we have Avery, the bully. Luckily, like Kaylen, I don’t mind his presence that much. He does change a bit in the story, and he’s one of the characters I remember the most of. There are some other characters, but they’re more like the dwarves from The Hobbit; you don’t really get to know them. There are the quirky characters, the captain figure who thinks the main character is a, annoying brat and tries to get rid of him as soon as possible, the obvious love interests, the conspiring advisor (don’t worry, that’s not a spoiler), etc. Unfortunately, none of them stick out, and they all kind of blend together, but that might just be my inability to remember names.

So, what’s good about this book? Well, to be honest, it’s kind of set up like a Final Fantasy game. There are random encounters, “boss monsters”, the enchanted items, the learning of new magic techniques, the travelling troupe...if you’re familiar with the traditional RPG games, the book does provide a sense of familiarity. Also, most of the battle scenes are pretty decent.

Overall, Kaylen’s Rising isn’t technically a good book. The writing is very awkward, the characters are pretty forgettable, and the pacing is way too fast. But I have to say that I did enjoy parts of it, mostly the fighting scenes. And I will admit, there have been books in the Young Adult genre that I have been bored with that have been popular (*cough* Heroes of Olympus *cough*), so maybe it’ll be popular. But for me, it just didn’t make the cut.

Book Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/KaylensRising
Author's Website: http://yvesrobichaud.com/

Artemis Fowl (Book 1) Review

Ok, this review is probably years too late, since this book came out more than a decade ago (2001 to be precise), but, screw it, I'm bored.

So once you get over the fact that Artemis is a Greek name for a female god, you'll probably remember hearing the title once in a while. The Artemis Fowl series is a 8-book series (not including the few companion books), which ended just last year. I read the graphic novelization of the first two books (which were pretty good) a couple or so years back. I just recently picked up the actual first book about a month ago, and am reading the second.

So, the book is by Eoin Colfer, an Irish author who apparently has been compared to J. K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, which, I have to admit, I have not read nor seen. He also has a crazy signature (look it up). Artemis Fowl is his crowning achievement, so if you haven't heard of the series, you probably haven't heard of him. But let's get right to the book itself.

First of all, the book size is great for me. Not too big, not too small. The premise is this: Artemis Fowl II, a twelve year old boy (that's right, no fifteen year old kids bringing their crap into this novel. I'm looking at you, Heroes of Olympus.) is the son of a once-billionaire-now-millionaire crime lord (namely, Artemis Fowl I) who was "lost at sea" for bring soda into Russian waters...
Yeah, don't ask. Apparently the Fowls have been criminals for centuries, thus their large fortune. Artemis Sr. tried to go legit, and turned from a billionaire into a millionaire. Anyway, Artemis (the son) is trying to get the family fortune back. Ok, seems interesting enough, right? So how's he going to do it? Investments? Making businesses? Going back to the family roots and stealing the money? Well...the last one is the most true. Get this: He's going to kidnap a fairy (or sprite, or leprechaun, it's the same thing) and hold it for ransom.

...Hey, if Rowling can write a thousand pages about wizards, an Irish guy can write a book about fairies. So through a process which is actually pretty cool, Artemis obtains and decodes the fairy book, a book of the history and rules of fairies.
What? Too fast? Fine, I'll slow down just a bit.
Artemis doesn't work alone. The Fowls have been assisted by the Butlers (apparently that's their actual name), a line of Master Chief-like body guards. Butler is just one of the great characters in the book. He's described as Artemis' only friend. So basically Alfred and Master Chief combined. Yeah. Pure awesomeness. Butler also has a younger sister obsessed with wrestling who works as a maid at the Fowl estate (she doesn't do too much in this book, but she's pretty entertaining). And for those of you who are asking, "how the heck can a twelve year old boy go around the world without his parents?", there's an answer. Since the death/disappearance of Artemis' father, his mother has been stuck in her room. She's slightly crazy, much to Artemis' concern. Oh, that's right. You might think that Artemis' is going to be the psychopathic mastermind here, and he is, to an extent. But he has his limits, and does in fact care for both his parents quite a bit, refusing to accept that his father is dead.

So now that we've got that out of the way (yeah, yeah, I'll list the fairy characters soon), let's go on.
The book is kind of like the Percy Jackson series, in that it shows how humans get the ideas of stereotypical beings. I won't go through it all, but it does make sense. Y'know. For flipping fairies (BTW, the fairies aren't bug-sized. Think elves). We meet Holly Short, the only female police captain, Julius Root, who I'm pretty sure is going to have a heart attack in the next book (probably not, but it would be a great twist), Foaly, the technical guy, and Mulch Diggums, who's a dwarf with a long record. Holly's been proud of being the only female captain (and don't worry, they don't shove a protest against sexism in your face. No, there's something much more annoying), but doesn't really have what you would call a good history of successful missions. That and the fact that she needs a refill of magic. She goes aboveground to find a spot, and that's where Butler shoots her with a dart!

So, is the book good? The rest of the book is basically Artemis vs the Fairies.

Let me put it this way: Does negotiations between a 12 year old with millions of dollars and Master Chief as his Alfred against a magical fairy police force with tons of high-tech weapons, including the ability to stop time, sound interesting?

Frik yeah.

Ok, the book isn't perfect. If I had to choose one thing that really annoyed me, it's the in-your-face environmental message. It's not throughout the whole book, but every few chapters you get a paragraph about how humans are evil and ruining the world. Heck, even Artemis is against whaling. Kidnapping? Sure! Extortion? Of course? Possibly creating a war between two races? Why not? Whaling? HOLY CRAP YOU'RE EVIL! I wouldn't mind as much, except...it's not done subtly. That, and the fairies are hypocrites. Towards the end of book, they comment about how violent humans are, and....well, it's kind of a spoiler, but not too much. It involves one of the weapons that the fairies have. Highlight the text below this paragraph to see what it is.
But if you rather not have anything spoiled for you, I'll see you later!

While the fairies are commenting about how violent mines and other human weapons are, they themselves are planning to fire a bio-nuke at Artemis' house, killing all living beings there, including the precious animals in the ground that they love so much. Maybe this was the point, but maybe not. In any case, the fairies are hypocrites.

An Awesome Minecraft Server

Hey! I already posted this on my gaming blog, but I'll post it here too:

 I strongly encourage anyone who reads this to go check this server out. It really is a great server (faction/PvP). And give a shout out to me, Kaito, when you do!

IP: 198.12.123.54
Website: unitedcrafterofminecraft.buycraft.net