Just today, I went with some members of my family to see the newest Percy Jackson movie: The Sea of Monsters. Now, I have never seen the first movie (neither do I plan to, unless someone pays me), but my nephew Gabriel (who is the same age as I--don't ask. Long story) has, and was quite excited to see the next movie. Most of us had read most or all of the books and I myself enjoyed the clever writing of the series. In fact, Sea of Monsters is one of my favorite of the series. It isn't something I'd read again; but that's simply because that would require reading.
In any case, I knew that this movie wasn't going to be great. Heck, I knew it was going to flop. But Gabriel seemed interested in it, and I had time to burn. What was the result? Well...eh...
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Let's address the first issue with this movie: the running time. Around an hour and forty minutes. In a time when movies are usually from two to three hours, this seems ridiculous. It's made even more poignant when you realize that the book itself is somewhere around 300 pages. That's roughly a bit shorter than The Hobbit. See the problem? One of the key factors of the book was the influence that it gained from Greek literature like The Odyssey. That means that I went in the theatre expecting mini-adventure after mini-adventure. What did I get? One island, one sea monster.
Well...OK, the one island that they kept was Polyphemus'. Awesome! That was one of my favorite parts in the book! How Percy and his group cleverly tricked the Cyclops into thinking that his old enemy, "No-one" had returned! I can't wait to see how they'll--
OH, WAIT! They must have forgotten that part in the book, because all we get is a prolonged game of monkey-in-the-middle!
Ok, again, I'm getting ahead of myself. But I've already touched on the main problem of the plot; they left too many important things out. Yeah, I get it; teenagers do have the attention span of demi-gods. But seriously: Calypso, Circe, the freaking sirens! None of the awesome stuff is even mentioned! Chiron is never framed for the poisoning of the Thalia, the Party Ponies don't make an appearance, and the ending...oh, the ending...
I'm not talking about Thalia waking up. They kept that. I'm not talking about Percy letting Clarisse taking the credit for the quest. They kept that too. I'm talking about what happens directly before that. I would put spoiler tags, but, frankly, you're going to want to hear this:
Luke actually brings Cronos back to life using the Golden Fleece. Ok... Cronos then eats Luke. ...What?!
Oh! That's not the end of it! Cronos then eats Grover. ...eh, no big loss, but still! What the heck is going on? Admittedly, I was kind of hoping Cronos would kill everyone and the movie series would end on that twist, but what the heck?! But don't worry. Percy apparently can use his "cursed sword" that was foretold in the prophecy--
What's that? The "cursed sword" is only mentioned in the Great Prophesy, which is fulfilled The Last Olympian? YUP! YOU'RE FREAKING RIGHT! And guess what? It's fulfilled in this movie! No joke! Sure, they changed it a little bit, but there's no mistaking it: it's the Great Prophesy! By the way, they changed the "reach sixteen against all odds" to "reach twenty". I could have not made that up if I tried. But then again, all of the half-bloods look like they're eighteen instead of fifteen.
The "cursed blade" is Riptide, which apparently is the only weapon that could seal Cronos back into his tomb. And luckily, both Luke and Grover survived being eaten alive (why don't huge evil villains ever chew?). Oh, and Annabeth also almost dies, but don't worry. She gets brought back to life thanks to the Fleece. So, let's count. Tyson takes a crossbow bolt to the chest, but survives. Luke and Grover get swallowed, but survive. Percy gets crushed in Cronos' hand, but breaks out unharmed after...two seconds. And Annabeth is healed thanks to a small blanket with gold threads. That would be...five fake-deaths in fifteen-twenty minutes.
So I've raged on long enough. What's good about this movie?
...give me a second, I'm thinking.
Well, the special effects aren't that bad. They aren't great, mind you, but they could be a lot worse. The monsters kind of alternate between League of Legends CGI and not-quite-as-good-as-Lord-of-the-Rings. My nephew and I joked about how many times that the movie tried to save money on the CGI budget. Most shots with Chiron and Grover are taken from the waist up, and Tyson either wears glasses or uses spray-on Mist for a large chunk of the movie. They didn't have a huge budget, so I can let it slide. The fight scenes are probably the best parts of the movies. I got legitimately hyped whenever one came on. The humor was alright; nothing too good, but it didn't resort to dirty jokes like some other movies (this is the first PG movie I've seen in a while!). The acting varied with the character. Stanley Tucci as Mr. D was freaking hilarious, but the child version of Thalia was...well, I can kind of see why they didn't match the age of the characters in the book with the movie.
When we left the theater, most of all my family and I had were complaints. It wasn't a horrible movie, but the Percy Jackson series deserved so much better. Even Gabriel could only call it "alright". To be honest, though, I'm glad I saw it, if only to get my nerd rage fix for the week.
Plot: 4/10
Acting: 6/10
Action: 7/10
Music/Sets/Special Effects: 6/10
Guilty Pleasure Meter: 6/10
Overall: 6/10
Now, I am going to quickly explain why the Percy Jackson movies, as well as any film adaption, will never be as well accepted as the books. It's quite obvious if you think about it: dozens of film adaptions have the same problem, and it's simply almost impossible to fix.
The original doesn't have a maximum time. Movies have to worry about boring or tiring out their audiences; they have to keep them entertained, but they also have to know when to end. Think about it: The Last Airbender, Eragon, Les Miserables; they are all based on something that can take their time with their length, or at least can go a lot longer. With a book, you can take a break whenever you feel like it and come back later. With a TV show, you can switch shows after a couple of hours.
Movies don't have that luxury. You can't simply extend the movie time (Did you feel energized after watching The Hobbit in theaters?). Most of the time, taking chapters out diminishes character development. There really isn't a perfect solution.
But it still is fun to see various takes on a story that we know well. Look at all the Batman films. Many different interpretations of a famous character. I actually hope that someone will remake The Lightning Thief. I've gotten excited for Percy Jackson and the rest of the team. In fact, I'm going to go out right now and buy the newest...
...the new books can go to Tartarus.
...the new books can go to Tartarus.
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